History Repeats Itself

I live in Albany, the capital of New York state, a city that is small and does no justice to the vastness and richness of the state. However, I found my niche here, an environment where I can thrive and become the best that I can be. History repeats itself, as I sit here in an unknown city, wondering about the future and yet, the past.

During World War II, there were many issues, but one of them, the hardest, was the Holocaust and those who survived were lucky enough to tell their story. History repeats itself in Gaza, as I sit here and write and struggle with guilt, guilt for being part of this tragedy and worldwide catastrophe. I feel a guilt inside that is so raw and tender and yet, it is not even enough to justify what is happening to the women and children of the world.

I used to be a great tennis player and an avid student in school, but today I find myself at a loss, writing, here, in Albany, NY. A city that does no justice to the world that we live in. There are so many issues that I want to address and there are no words to state what I feel, there are no more feelings of despair available for me to express what it means to lose our people. One soul at a time, we are leaving this world in pieces and in chaos.

I recently had a conversation with a family member who opened my eyes, they said that I am not strong, although I was under the assumption that I am a strong woman. I have been enlightened, as I sit here and write about the world, my world, which is pretty small if I were to be honest. I want to apologize to the world for what is happening, it is my fault to be so blind, so constricted, so hindered from the truth.

The truth hurts, we do not want to see it, ever. Because if we do, we are exposed to our faults, to our shortcomings, to all of the mistakes and situations that we have failed at. It is late now, and Albany succumbs to a gloomy afternoon, a city that does no justice to New York state and the cities within.

I want to say: “I am sorry world, for falling short on my desire to change you, on my desire to make it better, I have failed you and I will forever regret my demise.”