A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Mental abuse can happen to anyone, sometimes it is so subtle that we get used to it, we learn to accept how people use us, mistreat us or disrespect who we are. Mental abuse can be very damaging to a person who has experienced domestic violence and homelessness.

It is not often clear what mental abuse encompasses but the consequences it has on a person are very obvious and clear. Oftentimes, when abuse happens, it is not reported for fear of the consequences and damage that it will have on a person. However, I learned that abuse does not report itself and we must advocate for ourselves.

I have recently been targeted in my community as someone who will "tattle tell" if someone does something wrong. In this case, I am not "cool" per se. However, I feel the need to talk about abuse because this is the only way it will end. Abuse includes humiliation in front of others, gaslighting, the taking of personal objects that we have an emotional attachment to, the destruction of our environment's property, belittling, and in most cases verbal queues that tell us someone thinks less of us.

I was brought up with a very clear understanding of how I should operate in my world. There was an event in my life that left an emotional mark in me and that was the death of my grandmother. She had been the source of strength for my extended family for a long time but she suddenly passed while I was away in school. During a trip back home, my father informed me at the airport that she had died but that I should continue with plans for my life, life continued. I was very distraught and cried non-stop, it seemed for weeks. I then realized that there was no point on crying because she was no longer alive and I needed to continue with my life, like he said.

I owe my heritage a lot more than the mental abuse that I sometimes experience from peers and close friends. I feel the need to speak for myself because I want to bring awareness to all the things that I have lived through. Losing my grandmother was an event that I definitely felt very sad about, there is no doubt about that, but I know life continues, there is no room to stop, we oftentimes do not have that space to mourn or the luxury to stop what we are doing, life continues.

I understand that people have feelings and to me, that is a very important element to survive, otherwise there would be no reason to have communities, civilizations, governments, or anything in between. It is debatable, but the difference between animals and people is that we have feelings, animals don't. I understand the difference between being mistreated and being treated with respect, a dog or a cat may not have the same perception. However, it is a give and take as we often get back what we give and it is not an easy ordeal to come to closure or to an agreement as to what is acceptable and in which setting.

Mental abuse can have serious consequences but there is hope because out here, in the world that has been built by our own hands, there are agencies, groups and conglomerates that assist people in need, people with problems that go beyond what we expect from our society. I have come to realize that every place in the world has problems, but there are always outliers and those outliers are who need the most help.

I love to journal, and I recently had a short script where I expressed my desire to have more compassion and to be more empathetic with people that need my help. I decided that I would dedicate the rest of my life to change the life of others, those people whose life I understand, the people whose life is sometimes not valued by us, their neighbors, their brothers, their mothers. I made a commitment to myself to have a light that guides my moral compass, something that tells me very specifically what I must do in circumstances of abuse and turmoil towards me and towards those who need help.

There is a spot in Penn Station, the biggest transportation hub in New York City, many people come through this station every day, traveling to other parts of the country and even into Canada. But there is a corner where I stood at several nights in a row, sometimes with tired feet, sometimes with dirty clothes, some others with my brain about to explode from thinking about what to do. I return to this spot often because it is a reminder of how far I have come, it is a reminder of a life with purpose. I am not only an accountant but I am also a survivor and I have made a vow to help those in similar situations whenever I can. This is not easy sometimes, because our minds get foggy and they preclude us from understanding others.

While I believe that my life matters, I know that other people would be better off if I helped in one way or another and sometimes, words are the only source of hope. Words can truly break us or make us and I would like to believe that my words are truthful, honest and that they are a foundation for the plan that I have for my life.